Dio's Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Hair
by Jojo's Hair
Summary: Dio comes into the Joestar's gay life. Includes gays.


Once upon a time there was Dio. He had hair, unlike his dad. He moved in with Jonathan. Dio did not like his dad, because he had a moustache, and men with a moustache (specifically a blue one) should never ever be trusted.  
Dio was a confused Dio. He was mad. Mad at who? Mad at George. George did not like the people in the town, but Dio did. Jonathan didn't because he was a loner and his only friend was a dog. So Dio was confused, should he run away and make friends? Should he stay with Jonathan and make friendship bracelets for the rest of his life? He didn't know.

He wanted to run away forever and never see George again, but could he? He just could never stop staring at his beautiful luscious hair. Blue. You know who else's hair is blue? Jonathans. Should he run away? I mean, it would be pretty weird to ask for George's hair, but Jonathans, perfect.

In all honesty, Dio loved Jonathan's hair more than his dad. Dio always had a things for people with hair. When he was about 8 years old, Dio got a pair of scissors and tried to cut all his dad's hair off, to see he had none. Dio then cut his mum's hair off. But then she got mad and made him eat rain.

That's the whole reason Dio killed his dad in the first place. He didn't have hair on his head. Only his chin. Ew. EW! He sure was a feral one.

So that night Dio went on a hunt, for hair. He met two idiots but brought them along because they also had nice hair. He doesn't even remember their names. They had nice hair, that's all that matters. So that night, he was sitting by a rock. Poor little rock, no hair. So Dio got up and threw the rock. It broke.  
The fat one started crying. Why? Who in their right mind would cry in front of _Dio?!_ Someone who is asking for a shiny head. So, Dio, grabbed the fatty in a head lock, grabbed his scissors, and cut his hair. The less fat one was smiling.

What kind of a friend would smile at _their_ friend getting their hair cut off, with plastic scissors. Dio asked JoJo that night if he could use some scissors, and Jonathan handed him an ugly plastic blue pair of scissors. Dio then asked where some _actual_ scissors were, he said that only George was allowed to use real scissors. So Dio didn't bother trying to steal the scissors, he just took JoJo's. It just made his punishment more painful.

Dio then saw some girl walking past, she looked like that girl JojO was with the other day. So he pointed to his 'friend'. Seeing as the other one ran away. With a now bald head. At least now people will think he showers.

He quickly ran up to the girl, and asked for her hair. She said no. He was heartbroken, probably one of the only people apart from Jonathan and George that has nice hair. How dare she?! Dio asked if he could do anything for it. She said no. How rude she was. He didn't care. He kissed her, just for that hair. Dio could taste the leftover KFC on her lips. Dio hated KFC. McDonald's was better. When he turned around, he saw the fat one was back again, with _more_ hair! What was this sorcery?!

They were cheering for him, would he now be able to get her hair? He asked her, but she again said no. So he pushed her down, and cut her hair off. Why was she upset? She was giving her hair to a god! DIO! WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO GIVE THEIR HAIR TO DIO? Dio sure would give Dio his hair, that's for sure.

Dio walked off into the night, all alone. He then turned around and saw George.

What was he doing? It could be dangerous for such a man with such beautiful hair outside alone at night. But where was JoJo? Oh no. JOJO COULD BE IN TROUBLE. George was about to tell Dio to go back home now, but he didn't need to as Dio ran off to the place they live while crying. Poor poor little Jojo. He needs to get to Jonathan quick. George ran off to go to his local bar. He was about to get pissed.

As Dio was running he came across a gang of 3.

"Go away the drugs are mine" says some blonde idiot.

"No piss off" Dio replies.  
"Wait I'll come with you" The man said. He then threw his hat and chopped off the other 2 peoples heads.

So the man and Dio ran off to find something. Dio forgot what he was doing so he asked the other guy.

The other guy turned to Dio and said "I'm Speedwagon"

"I don't care plz leave me alone old man."

"no."

"okay"

So Dio and Speedwagon kept walking until Speedweed stopped. He ran into a man with long purple hair.

"Piss off" Said pruplr.

Speedwagon cried.  
Another man came from behind a pizza and threw his hat a speedwagon.

"Take this fatty"

"Oooh plz teach me how to do that."  
"no"

Speedwagon cried again.

"Shutup plz" Dio said quietly.

The purple hair guy turned to look at Dio and saw that he was next to him. The purple guy introduced himself as Kars, but then when we remembered Speedwagon was here he screamed. Speedwagon joined in.

Dio waddled off to finish his Bizarre Adventure. It didn't stop there. Dio was in a weird building, he saw a man and 2 women. Dio looked around and saw he was in some sort of jewellery shop. It had very very very very very expensive jewellery in there, along with lots of wedding rings too.

Maybe Dio could steal a wedding ring so his hair could propose to Jonathan's. Oh Jonathan's hair was just simply beautiful.

All of a sudden another man walked in. He had blonde hair, and went to go stand next to the man with the brown hair, who was holding hands with a woman with blonde hair too! Dio just observed what was happening, as the brown haired guy walked over to a wedding ring, grabbed it and bent down on one knee if front of the blonde guy that walked in not too long ago.

What was he? Gay? But was he not just holding hands with a girl?

They both laughed until the other lady clapped excitedly and the blonde one ran out crying. The bruntette (I'm sick of typing the brown haired guy so shutup) stood up and they both hugged and bought the ring.

What the fuck.

By this point Dio was jealous. Dio was lying. He didn't just love his hair…he loved Jonathan all together. He can't tell George that though, what would he say? Also Jonathan arlready seems to have a girlfriend.

Not that he couldn't take her place.

Dio was caught in a scary situation. First of all he was in a room with 2 people that are now engaged. There's 2 types of engaged people. The first type, is the one that brags about how amazing their fiancé is. The second one is the one that is way way wayyyyy too nice for their own good. So yerrrrr.

Dio was a very nice person, but he couldn't stand to see people as nice as himself, it makes himself feel insecure. ):

Dio walked off again seeing as the shop door was pulled off by his long lost friend and partner in crime Speedwagon.

"Let's date plz"

Speedwagon just didn't have any manners did he? Here Speedwagon was, standing next to Dio, asking the blonde guy if they could date.

"No"

"Plz just pretend I gave u that ring plz."

"No…plz"

"okay."

Speedwagon withdraws cooly.

"Piss off you fat oaf." Said the brown.

"who are you 2 plz tell me I'll give you a million $ if u do." Kars said.

"I'm josef jostar."

"I'm gay." Said that blonde one again.

"yer." Said Joseph.

"Plz tell me ur name plz plz I won't ask again." Said Kars.

"I'm Caesar but plz don't ask again it scary."

"Plz break up with him and marry me plz plz." Kars cried.

"No."

"Plz marry me Dio." Kars said.

"No."

So Dio walked away from the gays cos he isn't gay.

He was finally at the mansion. But before he goes inside he's gotta do something. He grabbed Danny and threw him in the bin.

Done.

He walked inside. He could finally see Jonathan, most importantly, Jonathan's luscious hair. He walked into Jojo's room.

Dio grabbed an empty water bottle and threw it at Jojo.

"DIOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Jojo."

"That hurt"

"Jojo listen, I went on a huge adventure for you…plz Jojo, lend me your hair!"

"As long as I can have your hair."

"no."

"okay"

"Jojo I lied."

"How?"

"I don't want your hair anymore, 'cos then you would be rlly ugly and then I would cry."

Dio had tears in his eyes. Dio didn't know if he loved Jojo or his hair.

George walked in, like a drunk.

He had someone with him though.

"Who the fuck is that bitch?"

Jojo said while holding the bottle Dio threw at him.

"You are rude" Speedwagon said. He was carrying George in his beautiful muscles.

Next thing you know the gays all walked in. Kars still wouldn't stop trying to kill that Joseph guy guy.

Though Dio didn't understand what was so good about Caesar. Jonathan was way better than that guy. So Dio turned around when he heard a grunting noise. What the fuck. Why was HE here? No no no nono non no non non non non non no no non no.

It was his dad.

"I thought you were dead."

"Well surprise bitch I lived now get me a beer."

"No."

"Plz I'm begging you Dio you're better looking than me so the least you can do is get me beer you gay."

"NO!" Jonathan threw Danny at Dio's dad because Dio was Jonathan's best friend.

"Jonathan and Dio! Leave this house and never come back you're messing up my house and I don't want to clean it up because our maid quit her job cos she had to clean stuff and she only was in it for money but still wasn't doing anything and I'm too sober to clean…plz."

"Fuck you!" Jojo said.

"I fucking hate you hoe I'm gonna have way more fun than you ever will now that I can be with my bitch 24/7." Jojo walked out of the house.

Dio didn't know what to do. Who was his bitch! This wasn't fair! Dio had already broke apart Jojo and Erina, so who the heck was he talking about.

Jojo came back and dragged Dio with him. Hooray Dio was his bitch yay he could finally be proud of being called a bitch yayayayyayayayya.

"What the fuk?" George said whilst still in Speedwagon's arms.

"Let me go speedwagon I want to be with the fat and drunk man 'cos damn he is hot."

Speedwagon let go and cried, he went over to Kars and Kars said "damn son" then they walked out.

So George and the Dario creature hugged and George said 'listen you fat fuck I rlly like u so will you marry me?" He got down on his face and held his arms up. In his arms was a rlly rlly expensive empty beer bottle. Dario started crying bc his wife and Dio could never do something so beautiful.

Dario looked around and said "yeh of course." Dario looked around again and saw that Dio was walking out with that Jojo prick. "Dear God what did I ever do to deserve a son that is better looking than I will ever be and to be gay?"

"No." Caesar said.

Joseph had a look and Caesar, why was he crying?

"Why are you crying salad?"

"Because this is rlly gay."

"I know right let's leave because if I don't I will get gay and probably get married to a guy."

"Yeah okay."

So they left the house and then made out for like an hour or something don't ask me I'm not a perv like you faggot.

So Kars turned to Speedwagon and said "Damn son."

Speedwagon blushed even though he had no idea what it meant bc he wasn't as gay as Kars was.

"One day you will be The Gay Queen bc The Gay Lord is already taken by me and I don't go by girl 'cos I'm not gay!"

"Yeah same but I guess I can go with The Gay Queen just because you're hot but don't get me wrong because I'm not gay."

"Same"

Then they walked off into the night, Speedwagon took Kars to his house. An alleyway.

"You faggot only a real gay lives in an alleyway."

"Yes I'm gay."

"Same."

So Kars took Speedwagon to his house. Kars lived in the roof of the Joestar Manor.

"Damn son."

"Plz stop saying that Kars it's scary."

"Okay Speedwagon but I only say it because I love you."

"I know."

"By the way don't tell anyone I live here because shit will go down."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Why are you purple?"

"Because it makes me look hot."

"Okay."

So they sat there playing 'Guess who's hat it is, Zeppeli's or Speedwagon's'

It was pretty fun.

So Dio was still getting dragged along by Jonathan. Although Jonathan had seemed to go back into his happy and nice mode. Dio wasn't expecting this, but Jonathan turned to him and said, "Dio. You are my bitch, don't you ever try to leave me, if you do I swear you'll regret it for the rest of your life boi."

Dio smiled and said "yes but where are we going?"

"To our new house."

So when they got there it was pretty snazzy, it looked like it was made for a rlly rich person so I guess they could still live in it seeing as Jonathan was rich about 30 mins ago.

"Dio…you are a shit."

"Fuck you."

Jojo got in his fighting position, and Dio got In his. Good old times am I right?

Dio went over to joanathan and hugged him. Jojo hugged back. Then Jojo grabbed Dio's hair and said, "this is because I love u." and tried to rip out his beautiful blonde hair. Dio cried and fell asleep. Jojo picked him up and ran off somewhere and they lived together.

-The End

Or is it?

Dio one day woke up to see this little faggot running around their house.

"What the fuck get out."

"No" it said.

"Dio how dare you speak to him like that you fag."

"What the fuck is it?"

"It is our kid, Giorno, but we shall call him GioGio."

"Jojo you cheated on me."

"No you did."

"No."

"Oh well he's ours now so fucking be nice."

"No."

Giorno turned to look at Dio. "Yo."

"Fuck off faggot."

-The End-


End file.
